Osomatsu | Karamatsu | Ichimatsu | Jyushimatsu | Todomatsu

Choromatsu: Christmas

Choromatsu dressed as Santa riding a stollen. Jyushimatsu the snowman appears from his Santa bag. With all of his strength, Choromatsu throws him.

“Winter’s Normie-Banning Festival!” Translation (All Stages)

PROLOGUE

Jyushimatsu: This is JULIET 14. 7:04 PM. The steep slope in front of the station and plaza. We’ve arrived to our destination. Over!
Osomatsu: [Roger!]
Karamatsu: [Roger!]
Jyushimatsu: We’ve confirmed our target. A single man. In casual wear.
Choromatsu: Is he our target? He’s in casual clothes, so isn’t he probably meeting up with friends? Have you guaranteed our means of retreat?
Jyushimatsu: We’ll just slide down this slope, turn the corner at the Chinese restaurant, and go to the park on the right 10 meters away. For you, Choromatsu-niisan, it shouldn’t even take you a minute.
Choromatsu: Are there signs of any other normies? …What’s the approximate distance between us and the target?
Jyushimatsu: We’re about 20 meters away from the plaza where he’s meeting up with people. There’s someone approaching him from the left. A girl.
Choromatsu: Tch! A rendezvous? He’s definitely a normie.
Jyushimatsu: There’s a wind coming from the right. She’s heading right for 2 minutes. I smell kombu (T/N: which is a type of kelp). She’s 20 meters away from the target. You’re less than 10 seconds away, Choromatsu-niisan.
Choromatsu: Eh? Are you telling me to go?
Jyushimatsu: …
Choromatsu: Ehhhhh?! What? Your eyes are saying yes! What the hell… Geez.

STAGE 1 – Jingle All the NEET

Karamatsu: This is KING ∞. 7:15 PM. The Fujio Italian Restaurant. In front of the alley. We’ve arrived to our destination. Any additional reports?
Todomatsu: You’re really going with that codename? With that costume and codename, and with you talking into that transceiver, it’s like you’re trying to pick up someone at a hostess bar. I can’t even look at you~!
Osomatsu: [This is OSCAR 1. In front of the Western confectionery shop. Prepared for HQ. No follow-up reports from Jyushimatsu as of yet. How is it over there?]
Karamatsu: The normies are steadily gathering with their reservations for the party. Over! Heh, how carefree…! They’re oblivious to their own fates… A jovial Christmas melody… Concealed by the darkness, the messengers of darkness… This is a premonition of tragedy…!
Todomatsu: That would be us.
Karamatsu: T-Todomaaaaaatsu?!
Todomatsu: Eh?
Karamatsu: Why! …Why would you… The heart of the matter… You’re scooping out the ice cream in such a carefree way in order to save it?! (T/N: it’s a metaphor. don’t think too hard about what he’s trying to say because even I, the translator, have given up on him.)
Todomatsu: Eh? I could say the same about you, Karamatsu-niisan! Really, once you get all nervous, you start talking a lot~ If you suddenly lose your sense of reason, you’re going to lose your life right away, okay? We’re on the battlefield they call Christmas! So get a hold of yourself. Geez!

STAGE 2 – Normie Normie Bang Bang

Osomatsu: Ahhhhh. Another year has gone by. There are a lot of people here, but there aren’t any potential targets.
Ichimatsu: It’s kind of peaceful.
Osomatsu: You could say that HQ is the one place with the most leisure time, eh? Hehe~! Well, it’s Christmas, so it’s better than being holed up at home with nothing to do, huh?
Ichimatsu: Yup. Usually, HQ isn’t a safe place, but we don’t have a chain of command, so it’s okay.
Osomatsu: Yup, yup! Exactly~!
Ichimatsu: There are a lot of people bringing their families along. Generally speaking, they’re definitely normies.
Osomatsu: Well, yeah. They’re so transcendent, I don’t even feel any hostility towards them.
Ichimatsu: What are we going to do about the cake this year? I wonder if Dad’s buying it.
Osomatsu: Since he’s a family man, that means he and Mom are also normies… Or rather, the mere shadows of them?
Ichimatsu: You could say that.
Osomatsu: I see. Ahh~ I wonder if I’m able to get married someday? What about you, Ichimatsu? Do you think you want to get married?
Ichimatsu: Well, it’d be nice if I could. I don’t have a partner though. Osomatsu-niisan, you’re not going to marry just anyone, right?
Osomatsu: Yup. But it’s not like I’ve met anyone. If I had to wish for someone, I’d wish for Totoko-chan~!
Todomatsu: [This is TANGO 6! Hey! Anyone there?!]
Osomatsu: This is OSCAR 1! What’s up?
Todomatsu: [Karamatsu-niisan is being questioned by the police!]
Osomatsu: Ehhhhh?! What a pain in the ass. What should we do, Ichimatsu?
Ichimatsu: Just leave it alone. Negative.
Osomatsu: This is OSCAR 1, negative!
Todomatsu: [Ehhhhhh?!]

STAGE 3 – The Ghost of Disappointment

Jyushimatsu: The targets are meeting up. There’s a wind coming from the right. I smell light soy sauce. 
Choromatsu: Gulp.
Jyushimatsu: The two of them are talking about something. Are they going to the right? Or the left?
Choromatsu: …There’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while, Jyushimatsu. Why do you keep reporting what you’re smelling?
Jyushimatsu: Because it’s an important piece of information in order to avoid danger.
Choromatsu: I see. …Hey! This is a nonchalant act of subliminal food terrorism against your compatriot, you know?
Jyushimatsu: Ahaha. So you get it? Ah… The targets are moving.
Choromatsu: Ah! I’m going then! Waitwaitwaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit just a second, damn it!
Jyushimatsu: This is JULIET 14! 7:18 PM! Choromatsu-niisan is making contact with the normies! He’s…raising a Christmas treeeeeeeeee! …Actually, he just put it back in its original spot. Over!
Osomatsu: [Eh~? This is OSCAR 1, understood! What’s the situation? Over!]
Karamatsu: [This is KING ∞. I’m in the middle of talking seriously with a policeman! Over.]
Todomatsu: [Stop communicating, Karamatsu-niisan!]
Jyushimatsu: Karamatsu-niisan is ass-serious?! This is JULIET 14! Confirming! Over!

STAGE 4 – Inemurin (T/N: ok listen translating these stage titles is my least favorite thing ever because sometimes I look at them and I’m just like “what the fuck does that even mean.” this is one of those times.)

Todomatsu: Really, what are you doing?! It would’ve been better if you just said you were taking photos! If you just offered to take a picture together, you could’ve resolved everything smoothly, you know?
Karamatsu: Ah, Todomatsu. Are you telling me I should flaunt my excessive manliness? …Why not. Once this cigar is finished burning, it’ll be my time! Heh! I’ll show them the violence of love and hate!
Todomatsu: What are you even saying? That’s a cigar, isn’t it? It’s already completely burned out, so what are you thinking, standing around for?! Let me have that transceiver! (steal)
Karamatsu: Ah! Eh?! T-Todomatsu?!
Todomatsu: This is TANGO 6! 7:25 PM. Surprise attack secured. Geez, and Karamatsu-niisan is so scared, he’s completely useless! Over?!
Osomatsu: [Eh~? This is OSCAR 1, understood!! Alright! Get them, Todomatsu! Bwahahahahahaha!]
Karamatsu: …He’s laughing.
Todomatsu: Why do you look so hurt?! Of course he is! Are you going?! Or not?!
Karamatsu: Heh! …Obviously I’m going! Hmm?! I can’t just show you the climax of our play with only you here… brother!!
Todomatsu: Hehe. So that’s it. Between me and Niisan, I wonder which one of us can become the darker messenger.

STAGE 5 – Home Deletion (T/N: The Japanese word they used was “アボーン / aboon” which sounds like “alone.” In other words, this title is a reference to Home Alone.)

Todomatsu: …Hehehe… Hahaha.
Karamatsu: Todomatsu? …Are you okay?
Todomatsu: Haaaah?! Am I okay?! How could I be okay?! It’s Christmas, you know?! It’s Christmas, yet I’m… It’s all because of all of you Shittymatsu-niisans that I’m going day by day unable to speak normally to one single girl, and you’re asking if I’m okay?!
Karamatsu: Todomatsu…
Todomatsu: I hate this… If you niisans weren’t here, I could’ve been on that side over there this year. I hate Christmas…! Humanity is separated into two sides, and I hate Christmas! Don’t you think so?
Karamatsu: I do… I have yet to give up on my position in the caste. I have delusions of modest happiness as I drop the flowing skirt behind me… But Christmas… This side and that side…! An uncrossable river separates humanity into two parts! Ohh! God! Cruel Goddddd!
Todomatsu: Shittymatsu-niisan. I’m crossing this uncrossable river. Um, I’m going into the Italian restaurant.
Karamatsu: Oi!! Don’t be hasty, Todomatsu!
Todomatsu: I… I’ll show you I can cross this river…!
Karamatsu: Don’t go—! Todomaaaaatsu!! T-This is KING ∞! It’s Todomatsu! Todomatsu’s going to enemy territory by himself! I’m going to go after him! Over!

STAGE 6 – Die NEETs

Jyushimatsu: Something wrong?
Choromatsu: Yeah… When I raised that tree, the couple back there looked like they remembered something. Apparently, they forgot to water their plants. Looks like they live together.
Jyushimatsu: …I see. That’s good. I was afraid you got sucked into the virtues of your average citizen.
Choromatsu: …Yeah. ……! Ah! Look over there, at 10 o’clock!
Jyushimatsu: Ahhhhh! That’s…two people who look like they haven’t started dating yet!! Ugggghhhhhhhh!
Choromatsu: Ugggggghhhhhhhhhh!! That forced skinship pisses me off! I hate it! I hate it! …I’ll send them flying.
Jyushimatsu: …Choromatsu-niisan.
Choromatsu: It won’t be a thud, it’ll be a straight-up bam!
Jyushimatsu: Choromatsu-niisan!
Choromatsu: Hah?!
Jyushimatsu: Fight!
Choromatsu: Alriiiiiiiight!
Jyushimatsu: Fiiiiiiight!!
Choromatsu: Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!!
Jyushimatsu: Choromatsu-niisan is raising the Christmas tree—!! There’s a wind coming from the right! I smell katsuo-dashi (T/N: which is bonito stock)! Brandish thaaaaaaaat! Ah, he put it down again—! What a methodical gardener! He’s not throwing it! Choromatsu-niisan. He keeps on putting it back in place—!
Choromatsu: Tch! …
Jyushimatsu: What?
Choromatsu: I didn’t have a reservation, so I couldn’t go into the restaurant.
Jyushimatsu: Ah~ We’re hungry, we’re beyond reason, should we just start killing each other?
Choromatsu: We are not our brothers.
Jyushimatsu: I see!! How boring!!
Choromatsu: If I were the leader of this whole thing, I wouldn’t have left out the possibility of reservations, you know? Isn’t this sudden? Isn’t this half-hearted? This classifies as an arrangement, huh? This sort of stuff is important! Right?!

STAGE 7 – Knee-High Weapon

Osomatsu: Hey, the thing is I’m starting to think that taking all of this so seriously is beginning to be a pain in the ass.
Ichimatsu: Well, it should be better to put in some effort while we have the chance.
Osomatsu: You speak wisely!
Ichimatsu: Cherry Osomatsu. You must believe. If so, you will be saved. (T/N: reference to episode 3.5 aka jealous god ichi)
Osomatsu: I feel like the sect just changed around here.
Ichimatsu: Look. It’s Christmas.
Osomatsu: …Eh? Is that person calling us?
Ichimatsu: That’s the person who just bought a cake in front of the shop over there. Do you know them?
Osomatsu: No? …Eh? They’re saying that they don’t need the cake they just bought anymore, so they’re giving it to us…
Ichimatsu: …
Osomatsu: …
Ichimatsu: …What kind of situation are you in where you don’t need a cake anymore?!
Osomatsu: What the hell kind of situation is that?! I’m curious about the reasons!!
Karamatsu: [This is KING ∞! We need a combat medic!! A combat mediiiiiiic!!]
Osomatsu: This is OSCAR 1!! Shut up!! HQ is busy!! It’s an emergency!! Right, Ichimatsu-kun?! How do you not need a cake that you bought anymore?!
Ichimatsu: I-I don’t know! Anyway, I think we’re worrying too much about this, our jealousy towards the normies and our hunger are all disappearing!
Osomatsu: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! This bothers meeeeeeeeeeee!
Ichimatsu: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! This bothers meeeeeeeeeeee!

STAGE 8 – NEET Man Returns

Jyushimatsu: Could those two possibly…fall to this side?
Choromatsu: That moment when those normies become un-normified… I wonder if we could see that with our very own eyes. Doesn’t it make you a little nervous? …Gulp.
Jyushimatsu: Oden… Gulp.
Choromatsu: Ehhhh? …Oh. That’s Chibita’s stall over there. This was what you said you were smelling, right, Jyushimatsu?
Jyushimatsu: …Ah. Those two… They’re talking about eating oden since they’re here at the stall.
Choromatsu: Oden for Christmas! How is that even remotely Christmassy?! It looks like the girl is okay with it…
Jyushimatsu: …
Choromatsu: …
Jyushimatsu: Now they’re sitting at the oden stall.
Choromatsu: …Yeah.
Jyushimatsu: There seems to be a delicate gap between them.
Choromatsu: So they’re still hesitant about their relationship.
Jyushimatsu: Ah! More and more customers are showing up… They’re all cramped together now.
Choromatsu: Gulp.
Jyushimatsu: …Their shoulders…
Choromatsu: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! I’m jealous! I’m so jealousssssss!!
Jyushimatsu: He’s raising the Christmas tree—! He’s brandishing it—! Will he throw it?
Choromatsu: I’m envious!!
Jyushimatsu: Will he throw it—?!
Choromatsu: I hate Christmas! I hate oden! How could you eat hot, delicious oden with your arms around each other’s shoulders at an oden stall on Christmas?! It’s almost like it’s real! That’s not even real happinessssssss! Goddammit… Sigh.
Jyushimatsu: Are you not going to throw it?
Choromatsu: Nope. I have a feeling we’re not going to win. I’m going to pretend that I didn’t see anything. We didn’t see anything, okay, Jyushimatsu?
Jyushimatsu: Okay. (rustling) This is JUICY 14! There was a misrecognition! All green! Zero targets!
Choromatsu: Gulp. JUICY… Did your code name just change? Is it because you’re hungry?!
Karamatsu: [Th-This is KING ∞! We need a combat medic! A combat medic!! It’s Todomatsu!]
Choromatsu: Another problem on Karamatsu’s side?! What are they even doing?
Jyushimatsu: I think something happened with Totty? We have to go!! Choromatsu-niisan! Tottyyyyyy!!

STAGE 9 – Concealed Winning Hand Night (T/N: ??? yeah idk they use the word “pinfutsumo / ピンフツモ” here which is a mahjong term but I don’t get mahjong so idk if “concealed winning hand” is right or not)

Todomatsu: Haaaaaaaah?! Santa Claus?! Christmas?! 
Karamatsu: Todomatsu! Todomatsu! Are you okay?! Shit! Th-This is KING ∞! We need a combat medic! A combat medic!! It’s Todomatsu!]
Jyushimatsu: Karamatsu-niisan! Totty?! What’s wrong? Did something happen?!
Karamatsu: Jyushimatsu!! That Todomatsu…! He went to do a surprise attack at the enemy’s central base by himself…
Choromatsu: We’re not a rescue party, are we?! We’re special forces, okay? Eh? …Or are we both?
Jyushimatsu: Ah… Totty’s saying something… Eh? A Santa in a miniskirt?
Choromatsu: …What…?
Karamatsu: …What did you…?
Jyushimatsu: …There are a lot? Ehhhhhhh?! Santas in miniskirts? And there are a lot of them?! This is bad! Hello?! Osomatsu-niisan?! Totty says that there a lot of Santas in miniskirts!
Choromatsu: Jyushimatsu’s forgotten the setting here and is talking like he’s on the phone.
Osomatsu: Where?! Where where where? Miniskirt Santas—?!?
Choromatsu: Huh?! That was quick! So you were really close by this whole time!
Ichimatsu: This transceiver is a prize toy in the lottery. It only works at a maximum radius of 30 meters anyway. So, about these miniskirt Santas… Where are they?
Karamatsu: Did you see anything at the enemy’s base, Todomatsu?! Are there a lot? Are they real?! Is it a trap?!
Todomatsu: Ah… There are people sitting on the terrace of the Italian restaurant over there… “Would all of you like to join us?” …is what they said. They’re all girls dressed as Santas in miniskirts… This is strange. It’s like a late-night show studio… It’s our dream world… It feels so easy to just…join this circle of college students…
Choromatsu: Are they people easily sucked into the good mood?
Osomatsu: What do we do?
Karamatsu: Heh. If we withdraw now, our statuses as men become useless. We should join them, brothers! We’re equipped, too…!
Osomatsu: But Todomatsu… Isn’t it dangerous?
Jyushimatsu: Ahhhhh?! RPG—!! Everyone!! Let’s ambush—!
Choromatsu: Ehhhhhh?! With an anti-tank rocket cannon?! Where?! Where is this coming from?!
Ichimatsu: You’ve got it all wrong. It’s an acronym for Riajuu Patsukin Gyaru. (T/N: riajuu = normie, patsukin = blond-haired, gyaru = woman adhering to a fashion trend usually marked by brown or blond-dyed hair, gaudy clothes and accessories.)
Choromatsu: How are you able to understand that?! Can’t we just speak normally?
Karamatsu: Heh. I was certain that the policeman had banned this dangerous cool guy…
Choromatsu: Eh? This dangerous mussel? Ah, geez! Let’s just go! I want to eat something! We’re going, Todomatsu. (T/N: karamatsu says “cool guy” in english, which in japanese, is pronounced “kuuru gai,” and choromatsu mishears it as “muuru gai,” which means moule aka a mussel.)

STAGE 10 – The Lazy Jobless Century

Choromatsu: Gyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!
Jyushimatsu: Ah—?! Choromatsu-niisan! He threw the Christmas tree!! He threw it!! He pitches in 3 consecutive games—!!
Choromatsu: I won’t forgive youuuuuuuuu!! You! Todomatsu! Why did you have to sit next to a girl?! Clench your teeth—! (beep) and (beep) you—! Go (beep) and (beep) yourself! (beep)! Asshole!
Todomatsu: Oh, will you just shut up?! It’s like you’re some kind of demon sergeant! God! Isn’t it fine? You said that I could sit next to her, didn’t you?
Osomatsu: Do you think we could ever forgive this world? All the girls here are miniskirt Santas, aren’t they?
Ichimatsu: You can throw that possibility out. This is hard to forgive.
Osomatsu: Alright! Prepare yourselves! Pull the string, Ichimatsu!
Ichimatsu: Got it. (baaaaaaaang!)
Todomatsu: Ah! Everyone’s taken aback by the sound… They’re hugging each other…?!
Osomatsu: Ahhhhhhh—Karamatsu! He leaps from his crouching start into a fierce dash! And he body slams the normies!!
Jyushimatsu: Redout! Redout! Tears of blood are spurting out from Karamatsu-niisan’s eyes—!!
Choromatsu: We’re still on earth, aren’t we?! Why does the gravity feel like it’s coming at us at the speed of sound?!
Ichimatsu: …This is the Normie G. It’s the severe gravity coming in the form of the normies’ happiness…
Osomatsu: Ahhhh! Ichimatsu! Your eyes… A weird beam is coming from them!
Ichimatsu: Ehhhh! Something’s coming out? Something’s coming out?! Wah! Uwah! My eyes—! Weird beeeeeeeeeam!!
Jyushimatsu: You were looking at the normies for too long. It’s the beam of darkness that’s helping us preserve the equilibrium!
Choromatsu: What the hell kind of nature is that?! …Ah! Wait! What time is it now?!
Todomatsu: Ah—! It’s almost 10:30?!
Karamatsu: Heh, so that time has come already… It seems that we’ve gotten a little carried away with our game.
Jyushimatsu: The bathhouse is going to close!!
Osomatsu: Everyone—!! Disarm—!
Choromatsu: Thank you!
Jyushimatsu: Thank you for the meal—!
Ichimatsu: Many thanks.
Todomatsu: Good night!
Karamatsu: Heh, ladies. Non non. The injuries that you’ve given me are fine… Come on now, it’s Christmas.
Jyushimatsu: Ichimatsu-niisan, are you okay? If beams come out of your eyes at the bathhouse, it’s going to become the bathhouse of darkness!
Ichimatsu: Don’t worry, it’s like stew. Once I’m warmed up, I’ll be back to normal. Ah… We have a cake. Let’s give it to Mom as a souvenir.
Jyushimatsu: Where’d you get this cake?
Osomatsu: We got it from this person who bought it but didn’t need it anymore. Right, Ichimatsu?
Choromatsu: Ehhhhh? The hell is that?! I’m so concerned about the reasons for that, my ass hair is on fire!
Todomatsu: And you just got it?! Could that person have been the real Santa Claus?
Ichimatsu: Probably.
Jyushimatsu: Ah—! I get it—! I see—! So there are Santas around town, too! I haven’t caught all of them yet! Then I’ll be asking him for my niisans’ presents, too!!
Todomatsu: Eh? “All of them”? And what do you mean when you say you’re going to ask?
Karamatsu: We swooped down on Christmas, with wings targeted by Cupid… Heh, Merry… Christmas!!

Osomatsu | Karamatsu | Ichimatsu | Jyushimatsu | Todomatsu | Hatabou (Ground) | Hatabou (Flying) | Dekapan | Dayon | Totoko | Iyami

Choromatsu: Dark Santa

Dark Santa Choromatsu from the lowest part of the Dark Demon World’s Shitty Hell of Darkness caste. Using whatever he can get his hands on, he raises a Christmas tree over his head and throws it.

Osomatsu | Karamatsu | Ichimatsu | Jyushimatsu | Todomatsu

Choromatsu: F6

The Akatsuka Fujio Group’s sextuplets commuting to Osomatsu Academy. Their nickname is F6. The Beauty Genius Choromatsu fires hieroglyphics from the book he’s carrying.

Osomatsu | Karamatsu | Ichimatsu | Jyushimatsu | Todomatsu

Choromatsu: Traveling

A traveling Choromatsu from “Tabimatsu.” While he’s looking at the map, it suddenly bursts into flames. However, he’s prepared a spare for times like these.

Osomatsu | Karamatsu | Ichimatsu | Jyushimatsu | Todomatsu

Choromatsu: Marching

Choromatsu in the marching band outfit from “Puzzmatsu.” He walks while playing the alto saxophone. He turns into the Marching Goddess and appears carrying a steel saxophone and a jelly saxophone.

Hesokuri Wars: Youkai Event (Stage 10/Final/Epilogue)

Previous: x

dialogue for clearing stage 10, titled, “Walking a 100-Yen Store At Night.” mainly just an epilogue for all the chaos that occurred in this event, with a little bit of choukei in there for you guys.

Todomatsu: Ah~! Good thing that the festival came without incident. …But… Doesn’t it feel like something strange is still around?

Jyushimatsu: Yeah, you’re right! There’s still something big walking around.

Ichimatsu: Eh! Somethings big’s still here?

Todomatsu: Well, whatever! It has nothing to do with us, so~?

Choromatsu: There are still youkai wandering around, but Akatsuka Ward is still continuing with its festival!

Ichimatsu: Look… During festival times, there are still tons of things going around like normal.

Jyushimatsu: It’d be nice if things can go back to normal soon.

Osomatsu: Aah~! This beer is so good! Karamatsu, try the kushiyaki. It’s my treat! (T/N: Kushiyaki is grilled meat on a skewer.)

Karamatsu: Heh! The gratitude of the eldest son. I will be taking your thanks…! This is delicious. What sort of meat is this?

Osomatsu: Eh? Now that you mention it, it didn’t say.

Todomatsu: Ahhh, but it’s a shame. All of my money has gone back to being leaves… (T/N: I’m not sure what exactly he’s supposed to mean by this, but maybe Todomatsu created money when he was a tanuki, and they turned back to leaves since he wasn’t a tanuki anymore???)

Jyushimatsu: Totty—?!

Choromatsu: What the hell, you were the one having so much fun with being turned into a youkai!

Karamatsu: S-So what kind of meat is this?! Th-This is scary—!

Hesokuri Wars: Youkai Event (Stage 9)

Previous: x

dialogue for clearing stage 9, titled, “The Gacha Skulls.” in this one, the matsus finish the 100 ghost stories in order to summon kara’s powers that will help defeat the hunters and exorcists, and they finally prepare to get the youkai driven out of them. yeah, things get kind of chaotic.

Choromatsu: We’ve finished the 99th ghost story.

Todomatsu: Ah! Karamatsu-niisan! …H-He seems totally different from his usual vibe, huh? I-Is it because he’s working…?

Ichimatsu: I think it’s because he’s carrying out the youkai’s behavior. It’s just a habit thing, no more than a phenomenon. …So? What do you want to do?

Ichimatsu: We could just not do the last ghost story, and we could live without the second son around from now on, you know?

Osomatsu: No no no no no, this isn’t just about Karamatsu, okay?

Osomatsu: I want to do something about this situation we’re in! Do the 100th ghost story already, alright?!

Ichimatsu: O-Okay. Then…

Jyushimatsu: Gulp.

Ichimatsu: Our family’s shitty second son Shittymatsu has been possessed by the mysterious youkai, the aoandon.

Ichimatsu: For being an irritating, shitty NEET…he has been renamed…the Hiruandon! (T/N: Pun time! A “hiruandon” is term used to describe a useless person who fails to stand out.)

Ichimatsu: …This is the 100th ghost story. Fin. …I’m extinguishing the candle. (blows…)

Osomatsu: Eh—! That was a ghost story?

Choromatsu: Isn’t it already horrific enough that he’s been possessed by a youkai in the first place?! That can definitely pass as the 100th ghost story!

Jyushimatsu: We’ve been possessed by youkai ourselves, you know—! Hahaha!

Todomatsu: You’re right—! Ahaha!

Karamatsu: Heh. The hiruandon, you say… You seem to understand the concept of aliases for capable men quite well, Ichimatsu.

Karamatsu: …Witness my power! Blue Light Flush!!! (T/N: kara the magical girl 2.0)

Osomatsu: The hell is that?! Is that what you call something that comes out of a smartphone screen?? That’s not scary at all?! Are you okay?!

Osomatsu: Alright! Now’s the time, Jyushimatsu! Drive them out! Owwwwww! You’re biting me?!

Choromatsu: Th-This wind?! Eh? You’re biting me? Jyushimatsu, that’s scary~~~~! Ow—! (scatter scatter!!!!)

Osomatsu: Ow—! It’s raining rocks! There’s still a tengu in this room, huh?! (scratching noises!!!)

Choromatsu: It’s already left my body!! Ah! That’s a really loud sound…!! Our roof! Is our roof going to be okay?!

Ichimatsu: Shit shit shit shit!! Shiiiiiiiit—!! Break the kekkai! Break it—!

Jyushimatsu: Won’t the house break? And who should I bite next? Ichimatsu-niisan?! Woof! (bite!) Totty?! Woof! (bite!)

Todomatsu: Blue Light, you say?!?! Painful! That’s painful! Karamatsu-niisan! You may have turned into a youkai, but you’re still as painful as ever!

Todomatsu: But wow! We can definitely be saved with this…! (bang!)

Osomatsu: Ah! The mirror broke! …?

Choromatsu: Look outside! It’s raining really hard! …(

Todomatsu: I’m opening the window! Ah—The outside air is so nice!

Karamatsu: I… I’m back.

Jyushimatsu: Karamatsu-niisan! Are you okay?!

Karamatsu: We’re not finished yet… The inugami is still here, huh? Jyushimatsu, I’m depending on you. Exorcise me.

Jyushimatsu: Understood. …Grrrrrrrrrr all that’s left of the inugami, bang!!

Karamatsu: Gyaaaaaaaaaaah!! This is the inugami! I knew it! Dogs are scary—!!

Karamatsu: Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek…

Todomatsu: Karamatsu-niisan?

Ichimatsu: …So? Are the spirits gone?

Choromatsu: …Jyushimatsu? Where’s the inugami?

Jyushimatsu: Yeah, it ran off—! The kekkai’s gone, so it’s going far, far away.

Jyushimatsu: I don’t think it’s coming back.

Osomatsu: Sigh… It looks like we brothers are fine now, huh?! Karamatsu?

Karamatsu: Heh. As long as my **brothers** are okay, it’s fine. I won’t ask for something in return. Now…

Next: x

Hesokuri Wars: Youkai Event (Stage 8)

Previous: x

dialogue for clearing stage 8, titled, “Practically Lonely.” in this one, the matsus are back home, but now they’re shut in by the youkai hunters with no means of escape. also, they finally find out what the deal is with karamatsu and his “work.”

Osomatsu: Is there a helicopter on our roof?! A helicopter?! What is happening?! How did it come down to this?!

Ichimatsu: There’s a kekkai on our roof. There’s also a kekkai surrounding the entire house. …We’ve been completely shut in. (T/N: A kekkai is a boundary that prevents spirits from escaping.)

Jyushimatsu: I see. I’m an inugami, so I understand. Someone must have figured out a way to handle us NEET sextuplets.

Todomatsu: Eh—! What are we going to do now?! Ah, do you…hear something?

Todomatsu: Someone’s talking about “kodoku”… What’s the meaning of this?

Karamatsu: Heh. With six people shut in, it’s not really lonely though? **Brothers…**

Ichimatsu: They’re not talking about loneliness. I think they’re making poison. (T/N: *sigh*… “Kodoku” is “loneliness” in Japanese, but it’s also an obscure term for “poison.”)

Choromatsu: Poison, huh? So if they create a poison that lets them fight off the youkai, they’ll be considerably powerful, right?!

Osomatsu: Eh! Do people really have the money for that? So this means they want this to the point where their eyes get all bloodshot? Son of a bitch! What should we do…

Todomatsu: Fight off the youkai, you say? …Are we going to fight them?

Jyushimatsu: Yes… We’ll fight till the very end. The Battle Royale for us brothers…!

Ichimatsu: I…It’s not like you have a duty or anything! You’re not even that scary, Jyushima—! (panting and trembling)

Choromatsu: Wait! If we really are going to fight, won’t that just be what those guys want?!

Jyushimatsu: …Poor you, Ichimatsu-niisan. The kitsune that possessed you is really powerful, but it really doesn’t seem to like me.

Jyushimatsu: The inugami is going to be hard to handle… But I think I can drive it out. I’ll save you, Ichimatsu-niisan.

Todomatsu: …What are you going to do? Jyushimatsu-niisan?

Jyushimatsu: I’m the strongest. So I’ll drive out all of the spirits for everyone!

Choromatsu: Aren’t we within a kekkai right now? If we expel the youkai without breaking the kekkai, then they’ll all be in here with us, won’t they?!

Osomatsu: How should we break the kekkai? None of us can touch the ceiling or walls, right? (bang) Ow—! See!

Karamatsu: Heh, **brothers.** It seems that my time has come…

Osomatsu: Karamatsu?! You were here the whole time?! I thought you were consumed by your youkai a while ago—!

Karamatsu: Summon me.

Osomatsu: You’re already here though. Nobody needs to summon you.

Karamatsu: No. Summon me for the most important **business!** **Understand?**

Choromatsu: I really don’t? …Also, what are you?! Karamatsu? What are you?

Ichimatsu: …I see. You’re…an aoandon?

Karamatsu: Correct! I’m an aoandon. Everyday I am called somewhere, but they always stop right at the 99th ghost story, so I always end up coming home.

Jyushimatsu: It must be tough.

Karamatsu: But now I understand. In order to save my **brothers**…

Karamatsu: I must be compelled by this austerity…!

Karamatsu: Summon me with the 100 ghost stories. With that, something **wild** will happen!

Next: x

Hesokuri Wars: Youkai Event (Stage 7)

Previous: x

dialogue for clearing stage 7, titled, “The Six Serpents!” can’t say much about what happens in this part, but enjoy all the cameos from the secondary characters.

Jyushimatsu: Ah—! What a long line!! Exorcists sure do prosper!

Osomatsu: It wasn’t like this yesterday!

Choromatsu: The town’s been flooded with monsters overnight, and they’re prospering from this! Wah! There are people carrying charms over there!

Todomatsu: Ah! Hatabou? He’s…floating in the air? …! He’s not coming to…exorcise us…?

Choromatsu: Eh—! W-Wait~~! They’re attacking? They’re attacking us!! Aah! (scatter! scatter!)

Todomatsu: Wow, Choromatsu-niisan!! …Amazing… You’re flying!!!

Choromatsu: With the uchiwa of the tengu, I’ll blow you awayyyyyyy!! (whooooooooosh) (T/N: An uchiwa is a type of traditional Japanese handheld fan.)

Karamatsu: Heh, I have re…turned?! Waaaaaaaah?! What? What’s with this wind?! Ehhhhhhhhhhh—?!

Jyushimatsu: Ah— Karamatsu-niisan! He’s being hurled away along with the enemy—?!?!

Todomatsu: Ah— Geez! (thud!)

Karamatsu: E-Eh? A wall? There’s a wall. Heh. I’ve survived…

Todomatsu: It’s me! You coming back just now, what kind of timing is this?! How was work?!

Karamatsu: Eh?! This wall is you, Todomatsu?

Todomatsu: (thud!) It looks like exorcists and hunters are really coming to attack us, you know?!

Osomatsu: Ah! There’s a miko that breathes fire!! (T/N: which is Dayon if you needed the reminder) What?! What the hell is this?! A-A-Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Grr!

Karamatsu: Osomatsu?! Did you just transform?! Oi! Calm down! It’s better to escape! Kya!! Calm do… Gyah!

Jyushimatsu: Osomatsu-niisan’s Explosion Punch!!

Todomatsu: Hey! There’s a hunter coming with a really ominous katana! Is she aiming for our heads?!

Todomatsu: …Totoko-chan? Let’s go back home! Niisans!!

Ichimatsu: We can’t say our house is safe from these guys though. …There’s the shape of a person…with a gohei… Someone’s coming. (T/N: A gohei.)

Next: x